Chakra

This morning, on my way to work I was passing by the old hotel in my town and noticed a middle age woman with her golden retriever waiting at the stoplight. Since I'm a fast walker, I slowly started approaching them. Woman  looked at the dog, lower her hand and told him:" Sit down!"  The dog looked at her so obediently,with such respect . He sat and  turned his back to the main street. I start searching for his innocence look. Then he put his tongue out of his mouth and look at me.

"I feel calm now", I thought.

 He looked like a small innocent child sitting down there. His golden fur was gleaming on a cold morning Sun. I gave him one more look before crossing the street. Those hairy creatures always elicits smile on my face and brighten up my day.

I left smiling, leaving the hairy one wagging his tale. 

Ballerina.

When I was younger I never knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. Actually, I think I was telling people that I want to be a doctor.  Nah! Maybe because I spend so much time in hospital when I was kid (the moment I walked through  the front door, I would show the nurse my back). In order to be good, I used to get those plastic injections.  I’m wondering why people don’t ask us now what we want to be when we grow up. I’m not a grown up yet. I don’t want to be.

When someone would ask me now what would be my future profession I would say:  a ballet dancer.  A ballerina who plays piano.   I’ve always been skinny and my fingers are long-you need that, right?  During the day I would attend my classes at some Russian ballet school with all those masculine men holding you and tossing you here and there. Of course, I would not be prima ballerina-I would be standing somewhere behind her in case she fell. (I’ve always been clumsy, maybe that’s the way I attend folklore instead). After the long day I would enjoy my piano lessons. Chopin and Tchaikovsky were always my favorite. Wagner, too. Oh, I would play Tristan and Isolde and made choreography for the same. Ballerina would dance and dance possessed with passion  dying to find out that that their love is immortal.

Little Tageselixier

Smell.

The only sense probably working properly in my entire body system. As much as I hate it, sometimes, it takes me back to something or somebody I forgot. Sometimes, I even made up new smells which could connect me with some events or people. It is even worse when some smells you adored back then, constantly persecutes you. Like that, night (or is it day..never mind) skin cream I bought last year. I bought it intentionally. It was packed in those small boxes you take for a short trip.

I took a short trip. Not because of the cream, but because of the person that skin cream is going to remind me of. I still keep it above my bed on a shelf. It's been empty for a while. It was empty the day I came back home. Sometimes I open it too. I think the smell  it's not fading at all.

Something in between

                                                                          

I've always been a good kid. Very good,but not always excellent grades, obedient,responsible,respectful. My parents never had a problem with me. Then I started partially living something people called: teenage years, crazy years. Kind of. Not fully. I guess I could blame my distorted perception of the world, my twisted universe ideas: what could have happened, what if I do that, this, and those kind of things. I've never gave in to a life completely. Then, something happened at the age of 20. I started living a life fully (according to my standards). Obviously, my parents couldn't cope with that. So they started here and there complaining about my behavior and style of life.  

On the other hand, I couldn’t understand them. I’ve never done something wrong in my life. Especially not something they could be ashamed of. Maybe they are the one to blame.

Last night I walked into a kitchen directly  from work. I took my clothes off, opened the fridge and  took a beer. As I started drinking it my father started yelling and screaming: "What's wrong with you?! Are you insane?! You're a totally drunkard, you didn't even ate! I didn't even have an answer on his criticism, and then I just answered: "I've already ate, dad!"

Then my mum appeared and just said:” Don’t pay attention, its full Moon tonight!”

Happily never after

Once upon a time there was a girl who fell in love with a boy. He was no ordinary boy. He was handsome. He smelled good. She liked that smell. Whenever she thought of him, the smell appeared.

He had a nice smile too. It was seducing. Maybe she fell on that.

He had small thick fingers. Not masculine one. Although, she liked it. When he wasn't around she would imagine all the things he could do with his fingers: touching her hair, backs, lips. Touch has a memory. A memory she could not erase from her inner senses.

Sometimes she would go to a local cosmetic shop searching for perfume he might have use. She never find out which one it was. She would presumed.

He still smells.

He's still smiling.

He does have same hands.

He's not there anymore.

Good morning, heartache

She looked at him one more time and could not believe how unconsciously he was seducing her. Her hands started diving into his.She wanted the touch, his fingers touching her breasts, hips. Nothing.

He fell asleep. As usual.

She started waking him up by kissing his chin, face, eyes,nose, ears, forehead, his scar on a forehead. Then again, all over. Like a girl who can't get enough of a non sugar candy.

He would still lying.

She kept staring at his big pink face. He had such a lovely clear,pink face with a beard (no, he used to had it back then), his eyelashes. Why, I can't have eyelashes like those, she would ask herself.

-"I don't feel nothing anymore", he said.

-"How's that?", she asked.

-"I just don't feel I need it."

Here we go again, she thought. Just like a vicious circle,same story started again.

She felt so alone,exploited, insecure,unloved. She felt loved during the night but unloved in the morning. Like, everything would disappear during that 5 to 6 a.m.period when Sun would rise.

Sometimes, she used to cry over him. In her thoughts,of course.

The Sun was rising. She fell asleep somewhere between his chin and shoulder.

He was still sleeping. Sometimes she could hear snoring.

Year pass,day never.